Updated: Nov 26, 2020
Many times I’m embarrassed by my house. I hate to say this but I am. I don’t invite many people over. I don’t talk about where I live. I walk around and find all the flaws of this little brick bungalow I have. *And I feel like such an asshole for it.
You see, when I was married I lived in a big ranch with almost an acre of land in a “fancy” neighborhood. The door was always open and at any given time there was a random neighbor kid wandering through, soon to be followed by their parent, which then turned into amazing happy hours with food, wine, sprinklers and rides on the zip line. Yes, we had a legit zip line in the back yard. I loved that house. I loved that neighborhood. I loved telling people I lived there. Then the big D. Divorce really f*cks up a lot of things. My new reality was a tiny little house on the exact opposite side of the fancy neighborhood. The house by the highway. The house on the street with lots of rentals and unkept yards. And at the time I found my little house, I was STOKED! I was proud I was a single mom holding her shit together and paying her own mortgage. I was proud I was giving my kids a home with a yard to play in. I was elated I didn’t have to share my closet (you all know what I mean here). I felt safe and comfortable and free......and still embarrassed. And over the last 7-years I’ve continued to have this roller coaster relationship with my house. Love/embarrassed/proud/sad.....they are all there. So if you’re a newly divorced mama buying her own place-and maybe it’s different than when you had two incomes-and you’re feeling the same way - I’m with you. You’re not alone in this. Permission to feel all the feels because this shits hard.